If you had asked me a year ago what my biggest hurdle in life was, I would have probably answered with a series of problems surrounding my job, finances, friends, anxiety, family, and weight. I could have listed a laundry list of worries about what and who was holding me back. At this moment, the answer was myself.
My desire to be whole, a longing to be free in every area of my life, had consumed me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually because I thought it was up to me to bring these things to life. However, the more I concentrated on myself, the more the cares of the world enveloped me in a sense of self-absorption.
What do I want?
What do I deserve?
What do I need?
What can I have?
I lost sight of God when my life focused more on me and less on Him. I allowed the world to determine my goals, choices, and behaviors, yet I was never fully satisfied. In fact, I was more broken and broke while chasing after my own desires. Now, when I reflect on how my biggest hurdle was truly myself, the Lord reminded me today of why.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 reads, "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
This verse, where Paul talks about his "thorn in the flesh," perfectly paints a picture of our human limitations and the sufficiency of God's grace. Instead of seeking to escape our struggles, we are encouraged to embrace them and rely on God's strength, focusing our attention away from our desires for comfort and wholeness and fixing our gaze solely on Him.
God's abundant grace is the only thing sufficient to sustain and carry us, not how hard we work, nor our daily routines or schedules, and certainly not the minimum sacrifices we make in an attempt to be "good." Every time we exalt ourselves, we forfeit God's grace, leading to an exchange of purpose and provision for pride. It becomes all about us.
However, there is nothing truly worth boasting about. When we look inward, we will soon realize, like Paul, we are powerless.
While this is difficult to admit, I think it's necessary to say and hear these things out loud. At some point, we all do. For the first time in my life, it all makes sense, why my successes never felt good enough, and why I would lie awake at night worrying if people were proud of me because I had done it all by myself. We have always been enough because of God's grace. There is nothing about us apart from God that can make us stronger or more successful except aligning and surrendering to His will. His Word tells us in Jeremiah 1:5: "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born, I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations."
Life without God is impossible; He knows us in our innermost parts. He sees us and understands our needs and desires. He has a purpose for us and has placed us on this earth as His chosen instruments. When we shift the focus to ourselves, we no longer strive to conform to the image of God, but to our own desires. This is destruction for the hearts and minds of believers. If we follow this path, we will revert back to Genesis 3—the fall of man. Pride in the Garden of Eden manifested itself from disobedience when Adam and Eve desired to be 'like God.' To be like God meant becoming greater than what God, their Creator, had assigned to them. The adversary (the devil or Satan) tempted them with an idea that turned their hearts from the Creator toward their own prideful desires, ultimately deceiving them into wanting greater power and superiority. This act of self-exaltation led to their fall from grace, resulting in their removal from the presence of God.
When we see through the lens of our desires, we disregard God's grace and goodness that He intended from the beginning. Genesis 3 reminds us that created things are not better than God Himself, as pride always destroys what God builds. Our desires are not aligned with the Lord's; He desires all things good, but our hearts, because of the fall, are deceitful above all else. The Scriptures say, "Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). But God does understand the heart of man; He created us.
Satan still uses this same tactic today, deceiving us into believing we can be like God, seeking our own desires, and elevating ourselves above His authority. Today, what we desire is no longer a forbidden fruit from a tree, but rather money, status, power, influence, and greed. This is why we desperately need God's sufficient grace to confront our sins and the wicked desires of our hearts. God's grace not only provides forgiveness but also empowers us to resist temptation and transforms our character to reflect Christ. It reassures us of our loving relationship with God and guides us in our spiritual growth.
Ultimately, grace equips us to live faithfully in the face of sin, training our hearts, minds, and souls to be boastful in God rather than in ourselves.
A year ago, I didn't need a better job, more money, clothes, fame, or friends. I needed God's grace, which is above all else sufficient. Why? His words remind us in 2 Corinthians 12:10 that when we are weak, His power is made strong. Like Eve and many of us today, we must come to the end of ourselves and reorient our hearts to see God instead of desiring worldly things that please the eye. God's grace and mercy abound richly, even before we were ever formed by Him and for Him. He is capable and fully able to strip us of the one thing that can hold us back: ourselves. When we come to that point, we can be reminded that His grace is the only thing sufficient to carry us.
Prayer:
God, today, would You tear down the expectations of performance, ego, pride, and self-centeredness from our hearts. May You realign us with Your will and purpose so that we may see You and focus not on ourselves. I pray for a new revelation and teachings that will open our hearts to desire You, not what we can gain. Psalm 119:37 tells us that You will turn our eyes away from worthless things and preserve our lives according to Your word. As we walk with You through life and back to the garden, may You turn our eyes toward You. Satisfy our innermost parts, Lord, as like only You can. May we never forget that You are better than any created thing that was freely given to us. We reverence You and exalt You above all. In Jesus' name, Amen!